Firing Coleman

Somewhere in this time period, Husband and I decided that two months would not be long enough and I would get an apartment. We agreed that he would stay in the house and be responsible for it. I would find an apartment. Things in this regard were actually going OK until just before I was actually going to move into my apartment. Husband became suicidal again, and I called the police to check on him. He was not taken to the hospital because he said the right things. However, he was livid at me for calling. He told me that I could not talk to the police about him.

To move into the apartment, I needed to get a lot of things from the house. I had arranged friends to help, and I refused to let Husband be there when they were working. He was just too unpredictable. This is one instance where Coleman came in useful. In therapy, we discussed when I would be able to move and where Husband would be during that time.  Coleman got Husband to promise to be elsewhere while I was moving stuff.

Just before the move, I was quite freaked out and called the emergency number for the Center for Sexual Health.  I ended up talking to Coleman.  In the process of that conversation, he told me that I needed to stay with Husband for 5-6 more months.  Coleman also told me that he would tell me if it didn't seem like Husband was going to get better. I wish I had asked him what he meant by that.  Did he mean that I should base my decision to stay or divorce on his opinion?

The actual move went well. Husband managed to be helpful in a few ways, which was a big change from being destructive in big ways! 

Coleman's usefulness declined rapidly after that.  He continued to read during our sessions, and explain to us how smart he is.

Somewhere in there, we discussed the group for partners of individuals with compulsive sexual behavior. Coleman told me that I should go for 1-2 sessions and see how it went. When I mentioned that to Diane Berg, the person who actually runs the group, she told me they wanted a committment to the full time span of the group (something like 6-8 weeks).  In addition, Coleman and Berg gave me different explainations of the content of the group. When I pointed the inconsistencies out to Coleman, Berg told me she would address it with him.  At our next session, Coleman apologized for "the miscommunication," without taking any responsibility for it.

When I told Coleman that I was unsure about continuing with him as our therapist, he had a temper tantrum and kept telling me that if I didn't trust him, therapy was not goig to work. I now wonder why I let it go on so long. 

The part that is now funny to me was when I said I wanted to see a couples therapist outside of the Center for Sexual Health.  He flared up and tried to tell us why it wouldn't work. Apparently it has to do with communication.  I get why having the various therapists communicate would be more challenging if they don't work directly together, but I don't ger why it is my problem.  I also don't get why Coleman got so upset about it.