I am starting this blog as an outlet to write about my experience with discovering my husband's compulsive sexual behavior.  On July 1, I found out that the Husband of five years had been going to escorts for approximately 4 years.  It was devastating.  Let me tell the story from the beginning...

In April, Husband asked me for an open marriage. I was upset at first, but actually got to the point where I was fantasizing about it.  I have a particularly good fantasy about one of his co-workers, but this is a family blog, so... moving along. The weird thing about the open marriage business was that he was unmotivated by it.  He expected me to figure it out for him.  He wouldn't tell me what he wanted in terms of how often and with who he would have sex outside the marriage.  I told him he would have to discuss it with his doctor and also I wanted both of us to read a particular book.  He wouldn't do either.  This is a guy who is normally super-motivated. Once he decides he wants something, he goes for it.

 Then, there was an instance where he freaked out about his brother reading his emails on his phone.  He had given his brother and dad the phone to read a particular email. He dad accidentally deleted it (he's somewhere north of 80, so give him a break) and his brother tried to find it again.  Husband threw a fit. He did not want his brother searching around in his email.

After that, I started to put 2 and 2 together.  I read his emails.  Two plus two came out to 4... or actually, 30 escorts.  At least, that was the initial findings.  I confronted him on July 1, in the morning. He said he would do anything to save our marriage.  However, he would not break off his date for that day.  He told me that the escort of the day was special.  He wouldn't promise not to have sex with her.

I told him I would work on the relationship to the extent that he would, but he had to take the lead.  He had to get us into therapy and get his act together.  He waited a week, and then called a therapist.  That therapist was not seeing new clients, so he waited a week and called another.

Emotionally, this phase was all over the place.  I found out over Independence Day weekend, so I didn't have my normal routines to count on.  My initial expection, and hope, was that Husband would throw himself into fixing this.  He did not.  That was devastating.  Its painful even to think about.  He expected me to continue having sex with him. I experienced so many losses during this time, I can't even list them. I got an appointment with my gynecologist, and Husband said she was overreacting when she said that if I kept having sex with him, and he kept having sex with prostitutes, I should get tested on a monthly basis.  He said he didn't need a therapist, because this was a sexual problem, not a psychological one. 

I am trying hard to convey the horror I felt, but I know I am not doing a good job. The story continues, and maybe I'll find the words.